I haven’t stopped crying all day. So me and my dear husband are expecting our first child next fall. Even before we conceived we just knew we had to have a son. We both dreamed of it. I had the perfect name chosen, with the perfect nickname, JJ, to cheer for him in sports. When I found out I was expecting I found all this cute boy clothing and stuff online that I couldn’t wait to order. I even painted the baby’s room blue because I just knew it was our destiny to have a son.

Now we are being damned with a girl. I am SO utterly depressed and I just don’t know what to do with myself. This was never the plan. I always dreamed of having the star football player as my child, I dreamed of driving him to games, I dreamed of the rough and tumble activities. I never imagined myself buying pink or catering to dress up parties and all the drama in the teenage years. I don’t know what to do with myself. I only ever wanted one child.

One biological child. A boy version of me. A mini version of my husband. Now all of those dreams are gone and I can’t accept it. I’m tearing up again as I write this. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. I can’t even look my husband in the face since we both feel like we have failed each other. I don’t even believe in God anymore after this. Help please anyone who has ever been in my situation.

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